Back (somewhat) to normalcy

The weekend is over, the extended family has gone home and I returned to work today. The past four weeks have felt like four months of activity. Between trips to France, the hospital, and to dinner with friends, I can't remember the last time I simply sat to collect my thoughts. The Rosebay house, surprisingly, didn't look like the aftermath of a categorical tornado, although the kids did manage to clean and reset the house Sunday. The cleaning lady may still make her round this week, but it was nice to spread a little elbow grease that morning. As Dad always begrudgingly said, "We have to clean the house to get the house clean!"

All this still feels surreal. I have been as honest to myself as humanly possible, but even amidst Friday's gloom in seeing his human body so cold and lifeless, I can't help to approach the situation a bit lightly. Sure, I can force myself to think about the somber details of his passing, but the positive memories are simply too copious for me to concentrate on anything else. Intellectually I know that he is gone and that life will be different. Physiologically, however, I don't feel any different. I still crave oatmeal and coffee in the morning. I still need my exercise. I still reflect on past reunions, dinners, and vacations with joy. Not much in that spectrum of life has changed.

The emotional forecast looks bright but, as anyone who has lost a loved one will say, will undoubtedly fluctuate over time. I guess I can be thankful that my parents did such a great job with me in understanding life to the brink that I am doing so well right now. That's where this blog comes in handy. There are new paths that were once too scary to trod that have since become illuminated. Plus, I am learning more about the man I only knew as "Dad" and some of this knowledge transforms into epiphany. All that I learned from him is now fair game to re-examination and further interpretation. These lessons weren't just about how to field a ball or write an essay -- we are talking crucial tenets about love, laughter, social interaction, and personal wealth.

But, as we were repeated during the process at the hospital, "growth comes best taken one baby step at a time." That's a good lesson for today as I attempt to get back on the routine.